Friday, July 27, 2012

Opinions are like ass holes...

Okay, Okay... so I was going to do this in-depth rant about why I'm boycotting Chick-Fil-A and blahblahblah. I've actually deleted people over the CFA crap because of how they stated their opinion on Facebook.

I also find it an odd connection that the most overweight people are the ones that are spamming their dying devotion to CFA...

Honestly, I'm already quite tired of the subject. I'm not going to eat there anymore. Got it. Done. Sealed deal. Hubby even agrees that we're going to stay away from the place and he's the most neutral person I know. My opinion of such is this: If CFA won't hire homos, us homos (and supporters) shouldn't give CFA any money. Also, every time you give that company money you are funding all of those anti-homo establishments he's donating to. It's not just his stance against equality that gets my blood boiling.

But all of that is beside the point of this blog. Opinions are opinions, okay? I have them, you have them, Obama has them and so does CEOs of major fast food chains. Everyone is entitled. Ninety percent of the time I let those opinions slide by me without even mentioning my side of it. I might even smile and give you a weak nod when I'd rather rip that opinion from your throat and shove it up your ass. [What? I can be violent in my head.] Well, then there is that ten percent of the time. That ten percent where I feel that not only your opinions may be hurting others but also isn't quite fair to those you might not even know. Equality is one of them. I'm quite passionate about equality and also my money. My money and my equality, we're BFFs... money, equality and I. I want to be able to put my money where I want, marry who I please and be myself. Those are my main goals in life. Now, that doesn't sound so difficult does it?

Then I read this on facebook:

"Why would I stop eating CFA, you're an idiot to think just because I eat there I'm against homos."
"You're a bunch of ignorant fools to think I'm going to stop getting my chicken on because of their CEOs opinions."
"Who gives a shit about this? I'm eating Chick-Fil-A for lunch today!"

Okay... so... I get it... you're going to eat there anyway. Uh-huh. Got it. Why call me names and say my opinion is idiotic just because you don't agree with it? Why is equality dumb to you? Is eating fast food TRULY that important to you that you couldn't give up ONE fast food joint because you're too consumed with their product that their opinions won't stop you from funding their efforts against your friends? Yes, these individuals that have stated similar things as above have close friends who are homosexual. I'm not only appalled but disgusted and quite frankly... hurt. I'm hurt that these people that I know, like, and called friend... would say these things. I deleted these people that made these similar statements. Not because of the one post about it, but because the constant berating against equality in the name of fast food.

I'm so sorry that your friends don't matter enough for you to pass up one fucking meal at a fast food place that will probably give you cancer anyway and will DEFINITELY increase your waist line.

I'm hurt to think that these people that I know are so proudly (and consistently) spamming their Facebook pages with images and words making fun of the people striving for the boycott idea. It's beating a dead horse. I do realize there is tons of propaganda out there right now that homos are pumping out left and right trying to get people to boycott CFA, that may seem like an abundance to you and it's annoying you as much as I am to the opposite. I understand that. I'm not saying keep your opinion to yourself, I'm just saying try not to be hurtful about it. There are teenagers killing themselves every day because not only their family but now strangers are publicly announcing their hate for their homo-ness. Okay, that sounded very, "Lets do this for the kids" but honestly...  

why the fuck not?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

We All Want Mental Illness.

Mental illness is tricky business. Most of America is afflicted by it, or hoped to be. I say hoped to be because it seems like every highschooler blog or reality TV show is shoving mental illness down our throats.

"I have OCD"; "I'm BiPolar."; "I'm ADHD"... etc, etc.

Some people announce it like it's a badge of honor. It's their street cred in the life of, "I'm fucked up, now where is my TV show?!" Sadly, people embrace their mental instability instead of trying to mend those mental incapacitates with self-evaluation and self-love.

I like to say I am depressed instead of have depression. Positive feelings are just as natural as negative ones.... it all depends on how you embrace them. I have triggers that set me off, as do most people. Horribly bad medical news from a family member or friend; moving a great distance away from friends and missing out on birthdays/holidays or just working entirely too much. Now, those individually can be triggers as well as stacked. You pile up a few of those and I'm rocky. Once you stack all of them I'm a blubbering baby whos a mega bitch to anyone that might reach out and help. I like to think of my mental break down as that scene in Constantine when he visits hell. It's calm, life slows... and he's sucked into a blustery unpleasantness with demons/negative thoughts sniffing him out and getting ready to attack.

Now, with that said... Everyone is allowed a good cry, an absurd moment... or even an outlandish bitch-mode moment. Everyone is very much entitled. Not saying it's a great thing or it needs to be the new past time but showing emotions are embracing how you're feeling and owning those feelings are when you express them to others. I've discovered that by owning my feelings I feel more power over them. No matter how upset I get or how out of line I am with someone else... Being able to say, "I'm sorry, I got really upset because I haven't had time to myself lately and I feel like life is just smothering the life out of my lately." I owned that feeling, I addressed it and I even apologized (if needed) about that emotion that I took ownership of. Therefore, I felt felt growth within myself and more powerful than that emotion that just took over me. (And maybe can recognize that feeling the next time before I spout off at the mouth.) I smashed that marble and got sent back to earth... got me?

I'm not saying apologizing will get you out of certain situations. If you constantly badmouth someone else because of your own inner turmoil it will be your fault that you can't mend that relationship with that person or that relationship is forever tainted because of your bad vibes. It happens. Best thing for you to do is stay away from that person (Apologizing does still mean something before you leave and may just give that break away from that person time for them to realize that you are able to move forward with a most positive attitude with them. Everything takes time.) and give them space. Let them know you still want to be their friend but at arms length is sometimes best.

But anyway... that's not exactly why I wanted to write this blog. I've just been thinking a lot about all the hate that's being flung around these days. For fucks sake, your Neighborhood Chick-Fil-A hates your gay Uncle Adam. That burns, right? It hurts. It hurts to be hated. It hurts to feel hated. It especially hurts to feel hated by those that don't even know you. No matter what the reason you feel sad or hurt, own those feelings. Don't be afraid to express them. Cry about them, be mad about them... but own them. Their yours. I think if you're able to own your feelings you will be better able to mend that mental instability you have. America isn't about taking responsibility for anything anymore and that saddens me. "Take a pill if you feel sad, it makes you better! Watch out for those sideaffects though! THOSE, could kill you! Not that pill I'm making you take instead of just asking you how you feel."


Well, I guess I'm done ranting for today.

Monday, July 2, 2012

My Boring Life

This blog use to be filled with desperation, longing and pathetic poetry-like words wishing and hoping for things that never seemed to be in my grasp.

Now, I have nothing to really write about.
 Well, not NOTHING... but definitely happier things.
I find those things to be boring
I have a boring life now.

By boring, I mean, I'd bore you guys to death with my happiness. I'm not actually bored. Far from bored. I'm domestic and painfully in love. So painfully in love if I was to put it into words it wouldn't seem valid. My fairytale would seem like a lie to an average reader of this blog. I'd seem far too happy and thus, must be rubbing my lies into the faces of those that might read this.

Truth is, my boring love and life is all I've ever wanted. We eat together; pass out on the couch watching TV together and smile together. We even work together now. Doing the usual morning shuffle of coffee, showering and putting on our Adult Costumes. We separate just long enough for work and chores. I miss him terribly like he's countries away when really he's just a few hours from my grasp... maybe even minutes. We openly discuss how happy we make each other, tell each other how cute we are with bedhead.... we gently shake the other awake when we have overslept. We engage in conversations that no one else would understand because they aren't us. We have inside jokes that happened by accident and laugh about things others wouldn't find funny. We are a we.

To you, this is all pathetic nonsense. I can't apologize for our boring behavior. It's just how life is. The most excitement we have every night is, "Should we get more beer or wine for tonight?" and "Dr. Who or a movie?" 

As I mentioned before, I have a job now! I have to cover my tattoos, which has proved to be annoying, but it's a job that I think I will really enjoy. My work email and most paperwork is now with my soon-to-be last name. It's odd, but feels natural. It's almost too easy to succumb to my new life. It's a graceful transition. My mother recently came to visit and she said she was amazed at how relaxed and happy I am. To be honest, I'm amazed at how relaxed and happy I am too. Hubby has even said he can't remember me ever being this happy.

I could write books about how enthralled I am with Hubby and our life together. I could write three blogs a day about how elated I am and describe every moment of every day to you. My facebook is canvased in gushy love statuses and tagging him with cuteness.

 (To you)

I even feel like I've written enough about it to prove to everyone that this is legit. Whine.Whine.Bitch.Bitch. It's all been laid out for everyone. I have nothing else to prove to anyone in a negative spin.... but simple happiness isn't exciting to the common reader. I also don't want to be even more annoying than I already am about this blissful turn of events.

So I guess what I'm saying is... You'll be the first to know when I have something horrible happening in my life, that will never change. Until then...

(No matter how boring)