Tuesday, March 25, 2014

An Open Letter to my Brother-in-Law and his Mistress

How do I begin a letter to someone that has caused my family such distress in these last few weeks and my dear sister for half of my lifetime? What do I say to begin a blog that I have been forming in my head for days? I've got so much material I'm almost buried in the filth you have so easily tossed my way.

I guess I could address why an open letter. Why I would choose such a public domain for all to see and revisit often? Why would I blog about something so personal and not pertaining to me? I've often said in my blog that my one major rule is to only blog about myself and my problems. This isn't Gossip Girl and I'm not out to whine like a teenager about adult subjects.

Truth is, this is a situation that pertains to me; my mother; my grandmother... my family. You see, when you enter into a family as close as ours, you marry all of us. You become our brother, our son, our grandson and nephew. I was just thirteen when my sister brought you home for the first time to meet us. When you got my sister pregnant that pretty much concreted you in to our family. No matter how that pregnancy happened or how young you both were, that did it. After thirteen years of being in our family how do you expect us to act? My sister has done an amazing job keeping your actions private. Believe what you want but we all had formed our own opinions of you without her validating your worth amongst us.  My mother sobbed because she felt not only robbed of a son but violated through her daughter. I cannot overlook that.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


I am on my phone entirely too much.

I am watching television entirely too much. 

I'm neglecting life by senseless distractions. I worry that I'm missing my daughter's first years because I'm too busy matching up three or more vegetables or candy or whatever. 

I've burned out three phone backlights. You know that thing that makes your phone light up so you can see what you're doing? Yeah, that. I kill those. With my constant googling of celebrities and idle gaming. I feel controlled and consumed and it's stifling. I'm addicted in a bad way.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Bury it in the backyard

Anger takes so much out of me.

Its exhausting to be this angry all day. Sleep is but a whisper when I need so much if it. Coffee just stirs the acids in my stomach and gives me cramps. My lack of sleep just makes me more angry.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Medium in the Candle Shop (Dream)

I had a weird supernatural dream last night.

It was set in New Orleans (I miss that place so much) and I was a medium. I was going to different shops and had an appointment with a young woman that worked at a candle shop. As soon as I walked in one of her co-workers recognized me and hurried me to the back to the lady I had the appointment with. I suddenly felt very sad.

"It's your lover that passed away." I said without the lady telling me. She nodded solemnly and her coworker took a seat behind me.

I turned to the coworker,  "Excuse me, Miss, but this is a private appointment." As I blinked I saw the deceased lover in a family embrace with the coworker. The coworker had bent her head down and softly began to cry, "If its okay with the miss here you can sit in. I didn't realize he was your brother."