Things I learned Today

I did something bad.

Yes, I admit it.

What I did was uncalled for and I brought it upon myself, yes I did. [I admit it.]

I also want to point out that I am not very religious. Very far from religious, actually. My main interaction with super religious people for the most part has been represented to me as intolerance in the name of the man in the clouds. [Just to get that out of the way]

I trolled some of my friend's pages that were advocating Chick-Fil-A on Facebook. Well, not really troll... because trolling consists of saying things you may not neccessarily belive in, but said to get a rise out of those who read it. Everything I stated was of my own opinion, unfabricated. I just posed a simple question: "Why do you support hate speech?"

Taking a stand against CFA is taking a stand against bullies, bigots and by proxy: ultra-religious Republicans. (Okay, that's assuming that all Republicans are also ultra-religious... which I will keep that assumption until I come across a non-religious Republican.) Okay, well... anyway. I posed that question and was quickly beraded with various notations of myself and people in general.

Top 10 Things I Learned Today:
1. Satan is my best friend.

2. By supporting CFA you are supporting free speech, nothing else. (And don't you dare speak out against what he said, because that is just NOT correct, you horrible American you.)

3. Only TRUE Americans are Christian.

4. The people in the military are fighting ONLY for the right of freedom of opinion and speech.

5. By disagreeing and openly being offended by Dan Cathy, I am not for freedom of speech and my opinion does not matter. [Enter random bible verse]

5. I am hugely disrespectful by saying that it takes a less quality of a person to agree with Dan Cathy. (Ex: I think all people should be allowed happiness and be married in the eyes of the law, regardless of anyone's religious definition of marriage, anyone that thinks otherwise is by my definitions: a less quality of a person.)

6.  I'm going to hell. (Refer back to #1)

7. I am a horrible person.

8. They aren't spreading hate speech, they just hate people that have opinions like I do.

9. [Enter random bible verse]

10. The bible says so.

Now, I understand what a TRUE Christian is like. Well, an average one anyway. A couple days ago I had a sweet older lady come in and I sold her and her husband some phones. Her husband has been working long days so this lady was very interested in getting to know me and Hubby (we were working together that day) and also dabbled in some of our opinions on some things. We got into talking about rights and gay rights. I have no idea how the subject even came to pass, but it did. I mentally cringed when I heard Hubby metaphorically poke at her with a certain opinion. The lady let off a big laugh and said, "Anyone who says their a Chrisitan and tries to take someone else's rights away or say lies about something they don't know about aren't reading their bible. Their god is not my God. I don't know who they're referring to." She then sited some scripture about Jesus being with the lowly and dirty and another verse about how God tells everyone to love openly and freely. She also sited a few verses and one of the deciples visiting a town that the men and women have left their husbands and wives to be with those of the same sex and God said, "These are people too, so therefore we will love them just the same." (Or something close to that, I kinda suck a remembering anything bible related) The lady then continue boasting about her children who have friends of all colors and all backgrounds, "Gays, shades of brown and black, even a couple people who have had some tough times in their lives and went to prison. My church welcomes everyone and I made sure to tell my kids to never talk ugly about anyone else or make anyone else feel less human. God is love and we love God. I have no idea the god those other people are talking about in the news. God says no such thing. They should have more love in their hearts."

This kind soul really gave me points in humanity again. I gotta tell you... working with the public has really made my score for humanity plummet. Let's say the base score is 100. Within weeks of working with the public again that score easily slipped to 50, giving people leeway for just an off day or having a shitty day in general. This Lady brought it right back up to 80. It also helped that she named her miniture poodle after Dave Chapelle.

Then today happened. I guess I wanted to test the theories that nice lady brought to me in the store that day. She truly is an awesome lady. I wished she was my grandma (Even though to look at her you wouldn't thinks he was old enough to be my grandma). I wanted to hang out with her and bake with her. I wanted to help her walk her dogs and meet her family. She is who I like to think I will be as I get older and the type of parent I want to be while imposing my ideals on my children. I quite idolize her opinions on things. Even though I am not religious does not mean I'm a bad person. In the words of my brilliant, beautiful, sweet lady customer,

"Believe what you want to believe but it's up to God if you want salvation. If you don't want salvation it's not my choice, it's not the people's choice to tell you if you're going to hell or not. I'm not in your heart, I don't know how you truly are deep down inside. He does, and it's His choice. Not mine, not anybodies. Let the judging be His. If anyone tells you any different, they aren't following MY God's beliefs, they're following mans rule and mans idea of how to run things. Don't be fooled by man."



Also, 5 things you may not realize Chick-Fil-A *ACTUALLY* stands for.

Opinions are like ass holes...

Okay, Okay... so I was going to do this in-depth rant about why I'm boycotting Chick-Fil-A and blahblahblah. I've actually deleted people over the CFA crap because of how they stated their opinion on Facebook.

I also find it an odd connection that the most overweight people are the ones that are spamming their dying devotion to CFA...

Honestly, I'm already quite tired of the subject. I'm not going to eat there anymore. Got it. Done. Sealed deal. Hubby even agrees that we're going to stay away from the place and he's the most neutral person I know. My opinion of such is this: If CFA won't hire homos, us homos (and supporters) shouldn't give CFA any money. Also, every time you give that company money you are funding all of those anti-homo establishments he's donating to. It's not just his stance against equality that gets my blood boiling.

But all of that is beside the point of this blog. Opinions are opinions, okay? I have them, you have them, Obama has them and so does CEOs of major fast food chains. Everyone is entitled. Ninety percent of the time I let those opinions slide by me without even mentioning my side of it. I might even smile and give you a weak nod when I'd rather rip that opinion from your throat and shove it up your ass. [What? I can be violent in my head.] Well, then there is that ten percent of the time. That ten percent where I feel that not only your opinions may be hurting others but also isn't quite fair to those you might not even know. Equality is one of them. I'm quite passionate about equality and also my money. My money and my equality, we're BFFs... money, equality and I. I want to be able to put my money where I want, marry who I please and be myself. Those are my main goals in life. Now, that doesn't sound so difficult does it?

Then I read this on facebook:

"Why would I stop eating CFA, you're an idiot to think just because I eat there I'm against homos."

"You're a bunch of ignorant fools to think I'm going to stop getting my chicken on because of their CEOs opinions."

"Who gives a shit about this? I'm eating Chick-Fil-A for lunch today!"

Okay... so... I get it... you're going to eat there anyway. Uh-huh. Got it. Why call me names and say my opinion is idiotic just because you don't agree with it? Why is equality dumb to you? Is eating fast food TRULY that important to you that you couldn't give up ONE fast food joint because you're too consumed with their product that their opinions won't stop you from funding their efforts against your friends? Yes, these individuals that have stated similar things as above have close friends who are homosexual. I'm not only appalled but disgusted and quite frankly... hurt. I'm hurt that these people that I know, like, and called friend... would say these things. I deleted these people that made these similar statements. Not because of the one post about it, but because the constant berating against equality in the name of fast food.

I'm so sorry that your friends don't matter enough for you to pass up one fucking meal at a fast food place that will probably give you cancer anyway and will DEFINITELY increase your waist line.

I'm hurt to think that these people that I know are so proudly (and consistently) spamming their Facebook pages with images and words making fun of the people striving for the boycott idea. It's beating a dead horse. I do realize there is tons of propaganda out there right now that homos are pumping out left and right trying to get people to boycott CFA, that may seem like an abundance to you and it's annoying you as much as I am to the opposite. I understand that. I'm not saying keep your opinion to yourself, I'm just saying try not to be hurtful about it. There are teenagers killing themselves every day because not only their family but now strangers are publicly announcing their hate for their homo-ness. Okay, that sounded very, "Lets do this for the kids" but honestly...  

why the fuck not?

We All Want Mental Illness.

Mental illness is tricky business. Most of America is afflicted by it, or hoped to be. I say hoped to be because it seems like every highschooler blog or reality TV show is shoving mental illness down our throats.

"I have OCD"; "I'm BiPolar."; "I'm ADHD"... etc, etc.

Some people announce it like it's a badge of honor. It's their street cred in the life of, "I'm fucked up, now where is my TV show?!" Sadly, people embrace their mental instability instead of trying to mend those mental incapacitates with self-evaluation and self-love.

I like to say I am depressed instead of have depression. Positive feelings are just as natural as negative ones.... it all depends on how you embrace them. I have triggers that set me off, as do most people. Horribly bad medical news from a family member or friend; moving a great distance away from friends and missing out on birthdays/holidays or just working entirely too much. Now, those individually can be triggers as well as stacked. You pile up a few of those and I'm rocky. Once you stack all of them I'm a blubbering baby whos a mega bitch to anyone that might reach out and help. I like to think of my mental break down as that scene in Constantine when he visits hell. It's calm, life slows... and he's sucked into a blustery unpleasantness with demons/negative thoughts sniffing him out and getting ready to attack.

Now, with that said... Everyone is allowed a good cry, an absurd moment... or even an outlandish bitch-mode moment. Everyone is very much entitled. Not saying it's a great thing or it needs to be the new past time but showing emotions are embracing how you're feeling and owning those feelings are when you express them to others. I've discovered that by owning my feelings I feel more power over them. No matter how upset I get or how out of line I am with someone else... Being able to say, "I'm sorry, I got really upset because I haven't had time to myself lately and I feel like life is just smothering the life out of my lately." I owned that feeling, I addressed it and I even apologized (if needed) about that emotion that I took ownership of. Therefore, I felt felt growth within myself and more powerful than that emotion that just took over me. (And maybe can recognize that feeling the next time before I spout off at the mouth.) I smashed that marble and got sent back to earth... got me?

I'm not saying apologizing will get you out of certain situations. If you constantly badmouth someone else because of your own inner turmoil it will be your fault that you can't mend that relationship with that person or that relationship is forever tainted because of your bad vibes. It happens. Best thing for you to do is stay away from that person (Apologizing does still mean something before you leave and may just give that break away from that person time for them to realize that you are able to move forward with a most positive attitude with them. Everything takes time.) and give them space. Let them know you still want to be their friend but at arms length is sometimes best.

But anyway... that's not exactly why I wanted to write this blog. I've just been thinking a lot about all the hate that's being flung around these days. For fucks sake, your Neighborhood Chick-Fil-A hates your gay Uncle Adam. That burns, right? It hurts. It hurts to be hated. It hurts to feel hated. It especially hurts to feel hated by those that don't even know you. No matter what the reason you feel sad or hurt, own those feelings. Don't be afraid to express them. Cry about them, be mad about them... but own them. Their yours. I think if you're able to own your feelings you will be better able to mend that mental instability you have. America isn't about taking responsibility for anything anymore and that saddens me. "Take a pill if you feel sad, it makes you better! Watch out for those sideaffects though! THOSE, could kill you! Not that pill I'm making you take instead of just asking you how you feel."

Blarg.

Well, I guess I'm done ranting for today.

"Equal to what? To me? Riiiight."

First off, I want to make it clear that I live in the bible belt. There are some free thinkers here but we are greatly outnumbered by redneck ignorance.

"Are you going to remove your homo sticker from your car now?" My sister giggled as she asked me.

"No, why should I?" I question.

"Because, you're going to get married to a DUDE, you HETERO!" She insisted.

"Just because I'm marrying a male doesn't mean I don't agree that all love is equal. I'm not straight. I just ended up with a dude because he ended up being the PERSON for me. I advocate love. I'm FOR homos to be on equal footing." I said in between shoving pizza in my mouth trying to sound casual.

"Whatever, HETERO!" She joked back. I glance over and notice that my grandma is nervously laughing in the corner and my sister's kitchen has quite a few family members in it.

Good, I thought, they need to know I'm not one of them.

 I'm still me, I'm still carrying the same views: no matter what my "lifestyle" choices represent from afar.

I'm so annoyed.... [I keep trying to finish that statement but it just ends in childish finger pointing.] I don't consider myself straight. I just don't. I met a lady a few years ago that was married to her wife and very content but refused to settle with the title lesbian. "But you're married and monogamous to a woman! That's the same sex, you two are female! That makes you a lesbian!" Everyone at the house party would joke. She would scoff and shake her head, "No you idiots, that makes me faithful to the person I love, but I still find males attractive! Just because I'm married doesn't mean my sexual preferences have changed, it just means I happen to have found someone to love and that loves me back. They just happened to be the same sex as I am. That's all." I looked her right in the eyes as she spoke, secretly thinking she was a lesbian and should just accept it just like everyone else. 

But now that I am in her shoes I completely understand her sentiment. I watched a Brandon Teena story today and the people they interviewed made me cringe with disgust. How is it acceptable to question a transgendered individual how they can go around kissing someone of their same below the waist gender in an interview about being RAPED?! Don't even get me started on the war against women to begin with. The cop questioning him basically said, "Well, since you're lying to everyone about being a man when you actually have a vagina, you must have asked for this to happen." During his interview. I applaud Brandon for refusing to answer those questions referring to his gender identity and who he preferred to date. Brandon didn't have an identity crisis. He had an identity that everyone seemed to have a crisis with.

It infuriates me to no end that it is acceptable to question someone about their sexuality.... ESPECIALLY if they aren't inquiring because they'd like to be romantic with the person in question! The only time you should inquire someone's preference is if you wish to start a romantic or sexual encounter with said person. I cannot for the life of me come up with any other reason you would inquire or make comment in reference to the sex of another person's preference. Well, I guess if you're hoping to connect a friend or relative with a friend you might want to know but that's the only other instance I can come up with.

Basically: I don't see who I fuck has to do with how you make your eggs in the morning.

Why can't people just respect each other and live their own lives? I don't see why it has to be a common people issue.... simply because I don't see the issue. Civil Rights are meant for everyone. I believe with having a black president we have made a huge leap in the right direction for human equality.

Now if we could only get a female homo Latina in office, we might actually have some legit equality evolving!

To Whom it May Concern:

It has come to my attention that my sexuality is the definitive of who I am [when it comes to other people.] Not only do I find this offensive; I have spent days contemplating the proper way to address this when I feel like I should never have to.

I date girls-- I'm wrong and going to hell. How dare I be public and proud about such a disgraceful way of life!

I marry a guy -- since I'm not ashamed or secretive about it I must be a liar and everyone around me should question anything I've said to them in the last four years.

Obviously, both assessments are horribly incorrect. I, personally, don't see my relationship as anyone's immediate business.. Or the main factor of my entire existence, for that matter. I have so many contributing factors in my life. Ive always been my own person. I do not define myself through who I am with or have been with.

"But you put it all over Facebook"
No, I put that I am happy and give credit where it is due. That's all I feel I am doing. Why do some individuals feel I am rubbing it in their face? That is truly not my intent.

I post about 10% of my life on the Internet-- that's combining this blog, twitter and Facebook. That's a whole 90% that I don't let you fuckers in on... And guess what? Of that 10% I share with this huge world of digital high school: everything is vague and purely self-involved... Which I guess knocks that 10% down to about 6%.

Yes, I said self-involved. I don't say anything that is not my business (especially if it doesn't involve me at all.)

With that said, I have also deleted a bunch of people, pictures and information from my Facebook. I haven't posted a play by play of my day on any social media in quite some time.

I feel no need to explain myself to anyone. (Although I guess I kind of am) Even amongst all the backlash, I should feel no obligation to title myself under any sexual orientation. The person I date/marry knows how I feel about them and that's all that is relevant.

It isn't helpful to demand answers from me or put pressure on our relationship. If you know me at all why is it so difficult to just accept me as a person and be happy about me being happy? I'm not a deceptive person; I'm not out to hurt anyone nor am I trying to "pull a fast one." I'm in this relationship for all the right reasons: THAT is all that matters. It's not your place to be confused about my sexual preferences. I should not have to defend myself on this subject.

Lesbian Internet Dating aka Pen Pals via Internet

Either FireFox hates me or I black out when I type things.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to type not only the wrong word, but misspell it terribly?

So. Frustrating.

It's also not a turn on, I'm sure. I'm trying a stab at online dating. Well, not getting into a relationship with people via the interwebs, but rather finding people on the interwebs that I may want to spend some time with in real life. My word choices and wording has been atrocious. I feel like I need to proof read everything three times before I send a response and yet I still fucking fail at getting it right. I'm not avid at my attempts right now, but more or less enjoying conversation with someone I might have never otherwise gotten acquainted with. It's also fun to see how people describe themselves. I read their resume and critique them like I'm sure they do me. I even come across people I've seen around town and I'm all omigodface and wonder if they even would place me if I inquired. (By "Around town" I mean "I probably drunkenly hit on them while at a bar")

I also ask myself: Should I be embarrassed?

Nah, I tweet too much bullshit to be embarrassed about being caught on a dating site by someone I barely know.

I'm also very interested in the blogs that people link via their profiles. I'm finding fantastic ones. I think I may just take up dating their blogs. It's like dating them but in a creepy.internet.stalker way. Well, maybe not creepy... since I won't be googling them until I find their home address or anything. That's just too much work for me. I prefer to read their sentences and find my common interests amongst their words, wondering if they'd read my blog in the same manner.

Dating sites always amaze me in the way that (generally speaking) people assume these sites are for casual sex only. I also think the approach to online dating is very different if you are heteromale or heterofemale. By being a lesbian it is my duty to find a wife that I will want to spend most of my time with and possibly get an animal together with. (Okay, so not really.) I guess you could say I fail horribly in that aspect. I am just interested in finding a lady to spend some cutesy relationship-like time with. Not to mention-- the coolest profiles I find the chicks are in an entirely different state and/or already involved with someone in their real life existence. I'm not only discouraged by this, it also proves my theory of where I am isn't for me. When I first joined the site it gave me a list of worst states and best states I would probably find a date. I thought it was interesting and a cruel joke at my expense.

My Best States:

1.  Oregon
2.  Massachusetts
3.  Vermont
4.  Colorado
5.  California 

Obviously I don't live in any of those states... and honestly, I have no desire to even visit those listed. Well, maybe Cali but Colorado? Fucking seriously? I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than even spend 10mins in that state. (No offense to anyone who likes it there. Honestly, I've never even been there to judge it properly) It's so landlocked it makes me claustrophobic to even consider it. So right off the bat-- the website, built for finding love, was giving me the middle finger at my aspirations of finding someone that might even likelike me. I mean... come on... couldn't they have at least told me somewhere I might want to move? Or maybe even list a state that is an easy days drive?

My Worst States:
1.  Arkansas
2.  Mississippi
3.  Oklahoma
4.  Alabama
5.  West Virginia

Go ahead, laugh it out. I sure did. I remember a big, belly laugh and covering my mouth to stifle the audacity bubbling up within me as I read the worst state list. I would like to say they made this list purely off of my homo-status and called it a day. Is anyone really surprised by this? No, not at all. Well, I didn't expect you to be.

Then, they continued with the waving of such a rude gesture in my face, tauntingly, as they continued these fancy lists of countries I would be better and worst suited.

My Worst Countries:
1.  Indonesia
2.  Philippines
3.  Malaysia
4.  Thailand
5.  Singapore

No 3rd world countries. Check. I mean... really... this has to be another homo judgement. But then again, America is pretty shitty on the homo-front and it has the means to be more accepting but the Religious Doctrine that is drenching our Politics is just disastrous and holding us back... but that's a-whole-nother blog.

My Best Countries:
1.  Austria
2.  Israel
3.  Belgium
4.  Greece
5.  Switzerland

Again with the sadface. I mean, those all sound like amazing places but with my feeble income I highly doubt I will spent any amount of time in any of those places to find love. It's a nice thought though.... I could be all Elizabeth Gilbert and return home with a paid book deal, focus and lots of sexy time under my sarong. (or whatever the local fashion is)

So yeah... there is is. hah, I never wanted to tell people I had joined a dating site, but I figured what the fuck... more people are on one than you'd expect and there is no shame. Seriously, unless you are using it to find your next murder victim-- Keep on keepin' on!

Just sayin'