Couponing + 30 Weeks + HOTHOT Summer

Ah, normalcy!

We have our own place now and are living with our heads barely above water with one paycheck. It's awesome.

I know... I know... Awesome to live paycheck to paycheck? Crazy talk, right? Well, At least we manage to get our bills paid with one source of income and still manage to eat on the regular. I can't be more thankful. Hubby always seems to provide everything we need. He may be stressed out about it and I drive him crazy because a hundred dollars in the bank account doesn't scare me enough to not spend thirty dollars of it on groceries. In couponing terms, that's atleast seventy dollars worth of groceries anyway... so I don't see the issue.

An Open Horizon

Okay, Okay... so I just wanted to drop a quick note to all my lady friends.

I've noticed a shift in the last year. I've stopped watching talk shows and only read Parenting magazine, so that may be the shift I've seen.... but still. The shift is an empowerment amongst us gals. I partially blame the gay movement. Why? Because you pretty ladies are emerging with your chopped off hair, boy pants and no make up. You are kissing your partners and the world took notice to how damn sexy you tend to be while doing it.



Lesbians are making hetero women realize they were mislead on what "real" beauty is meant to look like. Well, labels aside... you can tell the shift is style. It's kind of 80s grunge and I love it. Our teenagers are showing us adults how it's done. Tegan and Sara are setting a prime example of beauty beyond the magazines. Hell, the phenomenon of the Philippines Transgender Pageant have shown us that the beauty of a women is an open horizon.

So lets take this moment to smile at our beautiful bodies and faces. Let's caress our stretch marks from birth like honor. Let us make cosmo and other fluff magazines sell us health food instead of quick fix creams. Ladies, take a look around you. Skinny isn't in-- being healthy and loving yourself IS!

Now that I have a daughter I realize more and more how critical my mother was of my sister and I growing up. My mother is a bit of a control freak (she's gotten a lot better since my adolescence) so she just wanted us to be like her, which is understandable... but even with that said, I'd much rather my daughter be with the fringe crowd and dress in clothes from goodwill than be with the cool kids in the name brand clothes. It takes more confidence to overcome the Mean Girls than to join them.

In middle school I use to come home and cry for hours because of what was said to me. I would leave the house with my sister teasing me and then spend hours at school hearing about my appearance from others. I'd hear about who was wearing make up and who had sex over the weekend. One of my close friends was going to the tanning bed every day with her mother. I felt consumed with my outsides and it made my insides twist with confusion.

"If I wore lipstick maybe he'll notice me."
"If I wore different jeans maybe she'd be nice to me at school tomorrow."
"If I bought different shoes maybe I could sit with the cool kids at lunch."

By the time I turned fifteen I had already had sex, began painting my toe nails and would spend hours in front of a mirror trying to fix my hair just right. That is entirely too young to have had sex already. I had been sexualized by peer pressures about my appearance. It seems a lot of people don't see that connection. If you start out your child giving them stern gender barriers:

"No, Timmy, only girls play with dolls."

"No, Dana, only boys like the color blue." 

You make them define themselves purely by their gender and not by their interests. You are restricting them from expression and forcing them into roles that are way past due to be shattered.

By forcing your kid into the role of "male" and "female" instead of "baby", "child" and "teenager" you are telling them to act out roles of "female is submissive to her male counterpart" and "have sex to keep your man interested" because those are the examples we are giving our children at home and in the media. If you make your daughter define herself as a girl instead of a person, she'll follow all those Top Girl fashions and Girls Guide to Sex lists. Now, I'm not saying that it won't happen regardless and preteens are already developing their personalities and have their own opinions about things already. I'm just saying-- maybe it'll show our teenagers that finding themselves and loving themselves is more important than finding what's in each others pants?

[Quick Disclosure] I'm speaking purely on personal experience and theory.

Maybe it was because I was raised in a very religious home. Maybe it's because I grew up in a small town and there wasn't much else for young people to do but explore other people's bodies, get involved in drugs or get a job. Luckily, I chose the job route. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and no matter how many showers I took I swore my hair still smelled like cheeseburgers. I didn't respect myself though, I sought love through affection because I knew of no other way. I had been taught that love comes from the outside in, not the inside out. That is what I wish to never impose on my daughter. Why did it take me years in my twenties to realize that I had to love myself first? Why didn't someone tell me before hand?

O yeah, that's right, I was told jesus would make me happy and that's the only way I could find love. Way to give everyone insecurities and not let them trust their own instincts, jesus. What a douchebag. I didn't know of anything else. I was told if I put on my sunday best (outward appearance), gave my heart to god (outside source), and love him first (outside source) maybe I could be happy (inside) the rest of my life. Instead, it took me reversing that list and omitting religion all together before I felt comfortable with myself and began to love myself full on. I worked hard on getting to where I am today with my body. I'm still thirty or so pounds over what I was when I made this revelation but I realize I've had a baby and I don't let a little thing like baby weight make me reconsider my love for myself. I remember what it took to get to where I loved myself and I plan on revisiting those things to nurture my love.

Every relationship needs attention, even the relationship with yourself.

That's just my insight for today. Pass this on to someone you know struggling to find love through someone else. You can love yourself and still want to change things about yourself. Only you should be allowed to make those decisions about yourself anyway.

"I don't want to be ANYTHING like any of your exes!!!"

Augh, okay...

So, I'm a girl. Duh. But I must state that for very obvious reasons-- Girls have irrational ideas sometimes. (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!)

Not wanting to be anything like your current's previous significant others is quite the irrational idea. It's also one that I am quietly struggling with. I'm struggling because I can see the rational side of it.

I'm getting married soon. Also, duh. One thing about marrying one of your close friends is you can recall how ever many years worth of previous significant others they dated freely in front of you. It was shameless because there was only a platonic relationship between you and whoever they brought around. (Well, at least in our case) I knew these girlscoughwomen that he dated before me. I spoke with them, they sought my approval and sized me up accordingly. I have never been intimidated by them and apparently that's intimidating. I, in some cases, got more into their brain than Hubby did. (It's a girl thing) I became their frienemy and got to know them. I remember picking them apart, quite often finding similarities between them and I. Sometimes it was unsettling how my likes were their likes and my hobbies were their hobbies. But then again, a lot of Hubby's likes were my likes and a lot of his hobbies were my hobbies.

Obviously things would stack with who he chose to date as well. Again with the duh

Now that I am romantically involved with him my angsty twelve year old hormonal self can't help but peck at my brain with all the usual paranoid ideas. If you are even slightly aware and female (Or male, I guess?) you know what I'm talking about. Those paranoid ideas just bubble up from within and you have to mull over them and shoot them down or address them aloud if they feel justified enough. Also, getting married isn't child's play. Marriage is not taken lightly by me and my relationship with Hubby is very much adult. I've known him long enough I was more than aware of who I was getting myself involved with. (Translation: My qualms in this post have nothing to do with him directly, I also know he religiously reads my blog, so I have to put that out as clear as possible. This is me just being a vagina.)

But anyway, I know a lot of girls feel this way. Correct? The whole: "I'm nothing like his exes, I don't even see what he saw in them!" Yeah, that. Well, ladies, I'm sorry to break it to you but that is quite irrational. Although I do want to say that all cases are different and you very well may be in one of those glorious "I'm completely unique to those of their past" things. Let me break it down.

People tend to stick with what they know:
If they grew up around intellectual types they will tend to date college graduates or someone with a prestigious career. If someone grew up primarily around a specific race or creed they will tend to date someone of that religion or skin color. If they reallyreally loved their mother or father they will tend to date someone resembling them. Or if they really hated their mother or father they will tend to date those that resemble nothing of them. That's the same with those that have a passion for something and they tend to surround themselves and date others with that common passion.

People tend to date what they like:
If they like poets, they will primarily date poets. If they would prefer red headed gym fanatics, they will stick as close to that as possible... Let's say Person A dates 10 people in their life time. Person A is a guitarist that prefers blondes that are also artistic in some way and loves dogs. It's safe to say Person A had 7 out of 10 that have lighter colored hair; likes dogs and either plays an instrument or does some sort of artwork either as a job or a hobby. Sounds logical to me.

If you've dated "it" before and loved/hated "it", then you will/won't date "it" again:
"It" being something: a trait, a hobby, a defining character of someone. Think: "I dated that guy Jake and he loved to go to the gym. I think it mellowed him out otherwise, so now I dig guys that go to the gym." So then you tend to date athletic people. Athletic people appeal to you. No shame, right? In that same way: "I dated this red headed chick Sarah and she was such a bitch and made all my friends don't want to be around me anymore if she was around. I refuse to date a girl named Sarah or red heads. She was a teacher too, no more teachers for me!" Same idea but on the negative instead of positive. Either way you are getting specific about the type of person you want to get romantic with. Also, no shame.


To the core I seem to reflect Hubby's taste in women. Visual appearances aside, I share a lot of their likes and hobbies as well as some of their personal/political views on things. Which makes sense. Being a vagina about it is letting that leave a nasty taste in my mouth and make me feel like a blow up doll with a common filling.

Since I am being a positive thinker and adult: I like to think of me being all the best qualities he found in previous girls all wrapped up in his favorite shaped box.... with my unique quarks and neurotic habits thrown in!

This theory works in both directions too, ya'know.

To Whom it May Concern:

It has come to my attention that my sexuality is the definitive of who I am [when it comes to other people.] Not only do I find this offensive; I have spent days contemplating the proper way to address this when I feel like I should never have to.

I date girls-- I'm wrong and going to hell. How dare I be public and proud about such a disgraceful way of life!

I marry a guy -- since I'm not ashamed or secretive about it I must be a liar and everyone around me should question anything I've said to them in the last four years.

Obviously, both assessments are horribly incorrect. I, personally, don't see my relationship as anyone's immediate business.. Or the main factor of my entire existence, for that matter. I have so many contributing factors in my life. Ive always been my own person. I do not define myself through who I am with or have been with.

"But you put it all over Facebook"
No, I put that I am happy and give credit where it is due. That's all I feel I am doing. Why do some individuals feel I am rubbing it in their face? That is truly not my intent.

I post about 10% of my life on the Internet-- that's combining this blog, twitter and Facebook. That's a whole 90% that I don't let you fuckers in on... And guess what? Of that 10% I share with this huge world of digital high school: everything is vague and purely self-involved... Which I guess knocks that 10% down to about 6%.

Yes, I said self-involved. I don't say anything that is not my business (especially if it doesn't involve me at all.)

With that said, I have also deleted a bunch of people, pictures and information from my Facebook. I haven't posted a play by play of my day on any social media in quite some time.

I feel no need to explain myself to anyone. (Although I guess I kind of am) Even amongst all the backlash, I should feel no obligation to title myself under any sexual orientation. The person I date/marry knows how I feel about them and that's all that is relevant.

It isn't helpful to demand answers from me or put pressure on our relationship. If you know me at all why is it so difficult to just accept me as a person and be happy about me being happy? I'm not a deceptive person; I'm not out to hurt anyone nor am I trying to "pull a fast one." I'm in this relationship for all the right reasons: THAT is all that matters. It's not your place to be confused about my sexual preferences. I should not have to defend myself on this subject.

NahNahNah... I can't hearrr youuuu

I want to talk about the, "I'ma ignore you until you go away" in the dating scene. I don't like it. I don't like it when it happens to me and I don't like the feeling I have when I do it to someone else. I've had it happen to me a couple times... the no response after a couple days of trying to get up with someone. The unanswered phone calls back in middle school when I just wanted them to talk to me. The anguish, the questions... the "What did I do so wrong that would permit such silence?" I'm here to break down that barrier and feed it to you on the real.

When someone ignores you to make you go away, or one-word-answers you into a stupor it may be for a wide range of things. Some may actually be you; while others may simply not be you at all. Always consider the possibility that that other person is a chicken-shit, asshole.

Always ask yourself, "How long have I known this person?"  

If you answer the question: Just one date/That night at a bar/One night stand/At that party that one night/We only know each other kind of through some people.

Get over it. Honestly. Get. Over. It. Who cares? They don't respond to you after two days?-- Move on. No harm, no fowl. It fucking sucks to give someone the, "You're a great person, just not for me." conversation... because then you have to go through the whole "But, why?" from them and you really don't have anything legit to say... it's all kind of fluffy bullshit. If the vibes aren't there, something was said that rubbed them the wrong way, something small but significant like that... (or they are actively talking to three others and it just wasn't your time to shine) it's cool. Don't let it hurt your feelings. People are people and they're allowed to feel that way without anything really being wrong with you. Especially if you barely know this person. Seriously-- it's okay. Sometimes things are just better left unsaid.

Okay, then ask yourself: "What happened last time we were together?"

Now... really evaluate this one. Take time on it. I'm a little obsessive so I replay conversations quite often in my head. I track body movements and how the words were expressed. Did you say something that they openly disagreed with? Maybe it was something small (to you) but it weighed pretty heavy on their side. Maybe it's something that really pissed them off and you DID do something wrong... but you've already sent that txt going, "Uhh, did I do something wrong?" and got no response... what to do now? Nothing. Don't do a thing. It's whatever. If that person really wants you in their life, they will respond when they are ready. If you keep pestering them every day or every hour... they probably won't ever respond to you and will make every attempts at avoiding you whenever possible. I do, however, think that maybe checking in after it's been a couple weeks is legit. If you still get no response, it's been a few weeks-- that's not insane. Just send a solitary txt along the lines of, "Hey, hows it going?" If there is still no response, it's whatever. You tried, they know you tried-- leave it at that.

Check their facebook/twitter/blog/whatever

No, seriously-- do it. E-Stalk them a bit. Did they delete/block you? Is there someone else liking their pictures or status messages? Is there someone else posting cutesy things or ANYTHING on their page that may seem like you've been replaced? If so, there ya go. It isn't you-- it's someone else. They "won". It's cool. If you're in the dating scene, never assume that you are the only person this other person is macking on. Fo'real... don't be an idiot. Did you read my other blog entry about this? Okay, so now you know. They're just not talking to you because you aren't in their thought process. Again, not your fault. Whatever it is about you just didn't fit their life right now. It's alright. I mean, yeah, shit hurts... but what can you do about it? Call them and leave them an angry voicemail? Txt them about how upset you are and how lied to you feel? What will that solve? NOTHING. It will just make you look batshit crazy and when that other person fucks up... they won't be coming to you for some "I'm so sorry I blew you off" lovings. 

Just sayin'.

Is it around the holidays or anniversary of some kind?

Maybe that person just needs a minute alone. There are a couple weeks out of the year that I refuse to communicate with someone that isn't in my close circle of people. I'm either too busy or too emotionally unavailable and I don't see the point. I can't bring myself to communicate with someone that may not understand or someone I will have to explain my situation to. I don't want to. I refuse to. It just makes me annoyed at the prospect of seeing the sad eyes and the shallow "I'm sorry" about shit they have nothing to do with. I just need that time by myself. Some days I shut my phone off and ignore everyone. Some days I feel so flooded with bullshit and my own shit that I hide my phone from myself in my room and take a walk... or just leave... or just sit in my room with my music too loud and paint. It has nothing to do with whoever I'm not responding to at the time, and everything to do with me. Sometimes I just cut people from my life. Snip, Snip. Just like that. Nothing personal-- I just felt like I needed to downsize socially. Sometimes I accept those people back in at a later date-- sometimes I do not. I know I'm not the only person to do this, so I don't take it personally when I can tell that's what is happening to me. I always think, "Well, maybe at a different time in life," and call it a day.

Maybe they are just an asshole.

Some people are just assholes. They blow people off because it makes them happy inside. They like the chase and the attention. They like the panting, the tease... the "you could have this but I'ma only call you when I want some booty" kind of shit. It works for them and you enable it by allowing it to happen to you. One can only be toyed with but for so long. Don't be a dog, waiting for a treat. Just don't do it. You are better than that. That song Cooler Than Me always pops into my head when I find myself in this scenario. I give that song a couple days to surface in my head before I just back off and then they are the ones I'm blowing off. Honestly-- fuck'em. Well, not in the literal sense.... but you got me, right? No one is worth a game. As an adult-- that shit is so passe and ridiculous. I'm twenty fucking four years old. If I feel like I'm having high school angst over your ass-- don't be surprised if I don't give a shit if you blow me off or feed me some lines. Chances are I'm on to it and either

a) am being a fool for a moment

b) am using you back for something I want

As you can tell I am a little angry about that subject...

But yeah. I hope that helps some. For the most part I try my best not to ignore anyone without reason or at least tell them why I'm blowing them off. It's a respect thing. Chances are if I am blowing you off now it's for one of these reasons... but the last one. I try my best not to be a blatant asshole.

Try, I said try.