We All Want Mental Illness.

Mental illness is tricky business. Most of America is afflicted by it, or hoped to be. I say hoped to be because it seems like every highschooler blog or reality TV show is shoving mental illness down our throats.

"I have OCD"; "I'm BiPolar."; "I'm ADHD"... etc, etc.

Some people announce it like it's a badge of honor. It's their street cred in the life of, "I'm fucked up, now where is my TV show?!" Sadly, people embrace their mental instability instead of trying to mend those mental incapacitates with self-evaluation and self-love.

I like to say I am depressed instead of have depression. Positive feelings are just as natural as negative ones.... it all depends on how you embrace them. I have triggers that set me off, as do most people. Horribly bad medical news from a family member or friend; moving a great distance away from friends and missing out on birthdays/holidays or just working entirely too much. Now, those individually can be triggers as well as stacked. You pile up a few of those and I'm rocky. Once you stack all of them I'm a blubbering baby whos a mega bitch to anyone that might reach out and help. I like to think of my mental break down as that scene in Constantine when he visits hell. It's calm, life slows... and he's sucked into a blustery unpleasantness with demons/negative thoughts sniffing him out and getting ready to attack.

Now, with that said... Everyone is allowed a good cry, an absurd moment... or even an outlandish bitch-mode moment. Everyone is very much entitled. Not saying it's a great thing or it needs to be the new past time but showing emotions are embracing how you're feeling and owning those feelings are when you express them to others. I've discovered that by owning my feelings I feel more power over them. No matter how upset I get or how out of line I am with someone else... Being able to say, "I'm sorry, I got really upset because I haven't had time to myself lately and I feel like life is just smothering the life out of my lately." I owned that feeling, I addressed it and I even apologized (if needed) about that emotion that I took ownership of. Therefore, I felt felt growth within myself and more powerful than that emotion that just took over me. (And maybe can recognize that feeling the next time before I spout off at the mouth.) I smashed that marble and got sent back to earth... got me?

I'm not saying apologizing will get you out of certain situations. If you constantly badmouth someone else because of your own inner turmoil it will be your fault that you can't mend that relationship with that person or that relationship is forever tainted because of your bad vibes. It happens. Best thing for you to do is stay away from that person (Apologizing does still mean something before you leave and may just give that break away from that person time for them to realize that you are able to move forward with a most positive attitude with them. Everything takes time.) and give them space. Let them know you still want to be their friend but at arms length is sometimes best.

But anyway... that's not exactly why I wanted to write this blog. I've just been thinking a lot about all the hate that's being flung around these days. For fucks sake, your Neighborhood Chick-Fil-A hates your gay Uncle Adam. That burns, right? It hurts. It hurts to be hated. It hurts to feel hated. It especially hurts to feel hated by those that don't even know you. No matter what the reason you feel sad or hurt, own those feelings. Don't be afraid to express them. Cry about them, be mad about them... but own them. Their yours. I think if you're able to own your feelings you will be better able to mend that mental instability you have. America isn't about taking responsibility for anything anymore and that saddens me. "Take a pill if you feel sad, it makes you better! Watch out for those sideaffects though! THOSE, could kill you! Not that pill I'm making you take instead of just asking you how you feel."

Blarg.

Well, I guess I'm done ranting for today.