To Whom it May Concern:

It has come to my attention that my sexuality is the definitive of who I am [when it comes to other people.] Not only do I find this offensive; I have spent days contemplating the proper way to address this when I feel like I should never have to.

I date girls-- I'm wrong and going to hell. How dare I be public and proud about such a disgraceful way of life!

I marry a guy -- since I'm not ashamed or secretive about it I must be a liar and everyone around me should question anything I've said to them in the last four years.

Obviously, both assessments are horribly incorrect. I, personally, don't see my relationship as anyone's immediate business.. Or the main factor of my entire existence, for that matter. I have so many contributing factors in my life. Ive always been my own person. I do not define myself through who I am with or have been with.

"But you put it all over Facebook"
No, I put that I am happy and give credit where it is due. That's all I feel I am doing. Why do some individuals feel I am rubbing it in their face? That is truly not my intent.

I post about 10% of my life on the Internet-- that's combining this blog, twitter and Facebook. That's a whole 90% that I don't let you fuckers in on... And guess what? Of that 10% I share with this huge world of digital high school: everything is vague and purely self-involved... Which I guess knocks that 10% down to about 6%.

Yes, I said self-involved. I don't say anything that is not my business (especially if it doesn't involve me at all.)

With that said, I have also deleted a bunch of people, pictures and information from my Facebook. I haven't posted a play by play of my day on any social media in quite some time.

I feel no need to explain myself to anyone. (Although I guess I kind of am) Even amongst all the backlash, I should feel no obligation to title myself under any sexual orientation. The person I date/marry knows how I feel about them and that's all that is relevant.

It isn't helpful to demand answers from me or put pressure on our relationship. If you know me at all why is it so difficult to just accept me as a person and be happy about me being happy? I'm not a deceptive person; I'm not out to hurt anyone nor am I trying to "pull a fast one." I'm in this relationship for all the right reasons: THAT is all that matters. It's not your place to be confused about my sexual preferences. I should not have to defend myself on this subject.

Lesbian Internet Dating aka Pen Pals via Internet

Either FireFox hates me or I black out when I type things.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to type not only the wrong word, but misspell it terribly?

So. Frustrating.

It's also not a turn on, I'm sure. I'm trying a stab at online dating. Well, not getting into a relationship with people via the interwebs, but rather finding people on the interwebs that I may want to spend some time with in real life. My word choices and wording has been atrocious. I feel like I need to proof read everything three times before I send a response and yet I still fucking fail at getting it right. I'm not avid at my attempts right now, but more or less enjoying conversation with someone I might have never otherwise gotten acquainted with. It's also fun to see how people describe themselves. I read their resume and critique them like I'm sure they do me. I even come across people I've seen around town and I'm all omigodface and wonder if they even would place me if I inquired. (By "Around town" I mean "I probably drunkenly hit on them while at a bar")

I also ask myself: Should I be embarrassed?

Nah, I tweet too much bullshit to be embarrassed about being caught on a dating site by someone I barely know.

I'm also very interested in the blogs that people link via their profiles. I'm finding fantastic ones. I think I may just take up dating their blogs. It's like dating them but in a creepy.internet.stalker way. Well, maybe not creepy... since I won't be googling them until I find their home address or anything. That's just too much work for me. I prefer to read their sentences and find my common interests amongst their words, wondering if they'd read my blog in the same manner.

Dating sites always amaze me in the way that (generally speaking) people assume these sites are for casual sex only. I also think the approach to online dating is very different if you are heteromale or heterofemale. By being a lesbian it is my duty to find a wife that I will want to spend most of my time with and possibly get an animal together with. (Okay, so not really.) I guess you could say I fail horribly in that aspect. I am just interested in finding a lady to spend some cutesy relationship-like time with. Not to mention-- the coolest profiles I find the chicks are in an entirely different state and/or already involved with someone in their real life existence. I'm not only discouraged by this, it also proves my theory of where I am isn't for me. When I first joined the site it gave me a list of worst states and best states I would probably find a date. I thought it was interesting and a cruel joke at my expense.

My Best States:

1.  Oregon
2.  Massachusetts
3.  Vermont
4.  Colorado
5.  California 

Obviously I don't live in any of those states... and honestly, I have no desire to even visit those listed. Well, maybe Cali but Colorado? Fucking seriously? I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than even spend 10mins in that state. (No offense to anyone who likes it there. Honestly, I've never even been there to judge it properly) It's so landlocked it makes me claustrophobic to even consider it. So right off the bat-- the website, built for finding love, was giving me the middle finger at my aspirations of finding someone that might even likelike me. I mean... come on... couldn't they have at least told me somewhere I might want to move? Or maybe even list a state that is an easy days drive?

My Worst States:
1.  Arkansas
2.  Mississippi
3.  Oklahoma
4.  Alabama
5.  West Virginia

Go ahead, laugh it out. I sure did. I remember a big, belly laugh and covering my mouth to stifle the audacity bubbling up within me as I read the worst state list. I would like to say they made this list purely off of my homo-status and called it a day. Is anyone really surprised by this? No, not at all. Well, I didn't expect you to be.

Then, they continued with the waving of such a rude gesture in my face, tauntingly, as they continued these fancy lists of countries I would be better and worst suited.

My Worst Countries:
1.  Indonesia
2.  Philippines
3.  Malaysia
4.  Thailand
5.  Singapore

No 3rd world countries. Check. I mean... really... this has to be another homo judgement. But then again, America is pretty shitty on the homo-front and it has the means to be more accepting but the Religious Doctrine that is drenching our Politics is just disastrous and holding us back... but that's a-whole-nother blog.

My Best Countries:
1.  Austria
2.  Israel
3.  Belgium
4.  Greece
5.  Switzerland

Again with the sadface. I mean, those all sound like amazing places but with my feeble income I highly doubt I will spent any amount of time in any of those places to find love. It's a nice thought though.... I could be all Elizabeth Gilbert and return home with a paid book deal, focus and lots of sexy time under my sarong. (or whatever the local fashion is)

So yeah... there is is. hah, I never wanted to tell people I had joined a dating site, but I figured what the fuck... more people are on one than you'd expect and there is no shame. Seriously, unless you are using it to find your next murder victim-- Keep on keepin' on!

Just sayin'