Rainbows

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Who's this bitch and why won't she shut the hell up????

That's right. My inner bitch is raging today. Well, my inner bitch and Emo are having a knife fight. No one is winning, its an equal dispute.

Dear Baby,

You are loved. First and foremost, love is what your father and I have for you. He loves you more than me, I'm pretty sure of it. I'm okay with it as long as you both don't gang up on me and call me names. But anyway, we love you. I want so many things for you. I want to protect you from all the hate in the world. I want you to dye your hair green and openly take your girlfriend to prom. (If you have girlfriends) I want you to stand up for the weak hearted and stand tall to the weak minded.

You are the next generation. You will be the captain of your own ship. I won't know your every emotion unless you express them to me. Please, express your emotions. I hope you learn to accept others even if they don't accept you. I want you to climb mountains and dive into the deepest seas. I want you to be better than I ever was. I look forward to holding you as you sleep and then chasing you down once you learn how to use your feet.

No matter how far you travel in this world I want you to know that you can always call Mom and Dad to pick you up. If you are anything like we were during our teen years a 3am phone call asking us to pick your drunk ass up won't be too far fetched. Lying will get you into the most trouble, truth will allow for less consequences (If any) to come your way.

Now, I must tell you about the world you're about to enter. The world is an ugly, fantastic place... Filled with demons and hidden unicorns. Hopefully you will also befriend a Queen or two. (They are fabulous friends indeed) The food is everlasting and always go for the local eateries over the chain restaurants. There is war, there will always be war. There is famine and starving children, there is sadness and suicide. Death is always closer than you imagine. Gravity is a science I hope you learn to appreciate, along with all the amazing science you I hope you want to prove (or disprove).

Even with all the nastiness in the world, I hope you will see the beauty around you. I hope to teach you the beauty of the world amongst all the sadness. I hope your new eyes see the world as a challenge rather than a burden. As you wiggle around in my belly I hope you someday appreciate the life that has been given to you. You have a couple more months to kick box in my belly and I hope you are able to be strong and take that first breath that leads into many million more. If you are able to join us out here, I'd really love to meet you and get to know you.

Love and kisses,
Your Mommy <3 p="p">

Bump Pictures

Slime Ball

I'm pregnant.
With child.
A walking incubator.
I'm having a baby.

Terrified. Yeah, that's a good word to describe how I feel. I'm scared I'm going to hurt it. I really hate calling my fetus an it, too. Especially since we've already decided on a girl name. Buuut, if my fetus is a boy I don't want to call him a girl name.

Auuugh. I'm also trying to not stress.

Hubby is elated. He's taking the news and future responsibilities with full stride. I'm in the fetal position crying my eyes out. (Mentally) While he is plotting baby seats and threatening future boyfriends the child might have. He also doesn't have to worry about nurturing a growing being inside him.

We have used an online calculator to make a guess of how far along I am. Six weeks. I'm very early in and apparently this is when things could go wrong. I had convinced myself my body wasn't healthy enough to bare the burden of a child. Since I had sold that theory on myself I'm now freaking out trying to make everything okay for the baby. The baby doesn't even have eyes or fingers and I already feel very pregnant and would feel devastated if anything went wrong. I keep reading various ways that the baby would stop development. "It's a decision your body makes" and "Don't blame yourself" is always attached to the medical jargon on the articles I read.

I feel very pregnant.

My nausea is ridiculous. I already can't sleep on my side and the cramps are never-ending. I don't look pregnant. I do feel bloated, gassy and seriously green around the gills..  but it's far too early to have a bump. I feel a bit guilty. I'm speaking too soon. There is still so much that could go wrong throughout the entire process. Everyone is so happy for us. I feel so much pressure to do this right. This is something I can't (won't) quit on. I'm taking my prenatal vitamins and eating much cleaner. My mind is so jumbled.

I just want this to all go swimmingly and have a very healthy baby....

And not gain 100lbs.