Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Slime Ball

I'm pregnant.
With child.
A walking incubator.
I'm having a baby.

Terrified. Yeah, that's a good word to describe how I feel. I'm scared I'm going to hurt it. I really hate calling my fetus an it, too. Especially since we've already decided on a girl name. Buuut, if my fetus is a boy I don't want to call him a girl name.

Auuugh. I'm also trying to not stress.

Hubby is elated. He's taking the news and future responsibilities with full stride. I'm in the fetal position crying my eyes out. (Mentally) While he is plotting baby seats and threatening future boyfriends the child might have. He also doesn't have to worry about nurturing a growing being inside him.

We have used an online calculator to make a guess of how far along I am. Six weeks. I'm very early in and apparently this is when things could go wrong. I had convinced myself my body wasn't healthy enough to bare the burden of a child. Since I had sold that theory on myself I'm now freaking out trying to make everything okay for the baby. The baby doesn't even have eyes or fingers and I already feel very pregnant and would feel devastated if anything went wrong. I keep reading various ways that the baby would stop development. "It's a decision your body makes" and "Don't blame yourself" is always attached to the medical jargon on the articles I read.

I feel very pregnant.
My nausea is ridiculous. I already can't sleep on my side and the cramps are never-ending. I don't look pregnant. I do feel bloated, gassy and seriously green around the gills..  but it's far too early to have a bump. I feel a bit guilty. I'm speaking too soon. There is still so much that could go wrong throughout the entire process. Everyone is so happy for us. I feel so much pressure to do this right. This is something I can't (won't) quit on. I'm taking my prenatal vitamins and eating much cleaner. My mind is so jumbled.
I just want this to all go swimmingly and have a very healthy baby....

And not gain 100lbs.

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