Rainbows

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Who's this bitch and why won't she shut the hell up????

That's right. My inner bitch is raging today. Well, my inner bitch and Emo are having a knife fight. No one is winning, its an equal dispute.

Today has been bad. Bad, with a capital B and that itch part. I say then but then I recite the abridged: Hubby and I snapped at each other, BabyG cried incessantly for hours while I cried to myself for an hour or two on and off. Not so terrible, though... from your point of view.

I have been actually been woe-is-meing to my SIL who is IN THE HOSPITAL waiting to be released because she had a baby (in a different state) and here I am whining because my baby is giving me a run for my money today. This is her fourth kid so I pretty much view her as a Goddess because her kids are still alive, clean most of the time and aren't a complete wreck... and she is enough out of my loop to give me advice without thinking I'm judging her or vice versa. I feel guilty for my bitchfest while shes all a glow and rightfully having a little break from the chaos of multiple kids close in age.

Exhale. Just breath, aaauuuughhhh.

I want to chug a bottle of wine and eat all the chocolate in the universe and then sob because I'm a fat, drunken disaster. I want to bring my emotional mess a tangable and real thing. Sooooooo much negativity and stuff!!!!!!!

I went for a drive and BabyG dozed off. Now shes sleep whimpering and I'm weighing out my day and trying to get my positivity back. I feel like I dont often have a awful day so I should be grateful for that. I'm grateful that I have the type of husband that would get out of his truck because he sees me crying after we argued on his way out the door. He came back in the house to kiss me and tell me he loves me. He didn't want to leave on a sour note. Grateful. Grateful because I have a healthy baby that is getting teeth and is strong enough I caught her standing without assistance in her crib. Grateful I have enough gas in my car to drive her around. Grateful I have a supportive family and in-laws.

See, thats better. What a nice little ray of sunshine.

Being a new parent is hard. Getting interference from negative know-it-alls just makes it harder. I'm very glad I have who I have in my circle. I've also started unfollowing people on my Facebook feed that are constantly bitching about how the world doesn't lick their asshole and little birdies dont help them get dressed before the big Royal Ball. That's helped, a lot.

....Just rainbows amongst all this rain.