Just when I think I have my shit together... I fuck up royally.
I love that you have a song for EVERY fucking thing that goes on in my life... but seriously... can I not have things in my life fit so perfectly sometimes? It'd make my life less painful. Just... maybe just once?
I saw her today. I fucking folded and touched her. I wouldn't let her close to me at first and ended up having an anxiety attack in her bathroom. Cowered and chicken. Crying. Shaking. Fucking hating myself. She told me I'd be okay... she promised everything would be okay.
We talked. She read me a letter.
Yelling... we yelled. I yelled. She cried. I cried. I yelled again.
We touched. We touched a lot.
Didn't kiss though... didn't kiss.
No bare skin... bare skin is bad.
I snapped. Snapping is what happened. I stopped. Nausea... sickness. Hate. Pain. I stopped.
We argued... she cried... I left.
I crawled up my stairs.
I painted. I cried. I painted. I cried. I cried. I cried... I painted.
I txted her...
I wrote a blog.