I saw her pull out of the drive way and with a long exhale I knew deep inside it would be for the last time. I braced myself on the door frame and sucked in my exhale as painfully as it had came out. With a firm gulp I soon realized my grip on the wood was the only thing keeping me vertical. I closed my eyes and all I could see was her face. Her deep blue eyes and the echo of my pain as it bounced off of her flawless face.
Yes, she knew she had the power against me. She knew it... otherwise it wouldn't have been like this to begin with. If I had just... just... Fuck, what did it matter anyway? She was gone, my legs were jello and I had to teach myself how to breath on my own again.
Inhale, exhale. Got that, Elle? Inhale, exhale. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and instantly I needed to puke. I ran to the bathroom and flung myself at the toilet. I hung my head over and stared at my reflection in the shallow water in the bottom of the bowl. My eyes sagged and I looked like I hadn't showered in weeks. Of course, she saw me like this... no wonder she left like she did. Just as quick as the urge came over me, it had passed. I couldn't even puke right. Frustrated I propped myself up using the tub edge and wiggled my fingers around my jeans pocket to rescue my ever vibrating phone from my pocket. With a deep inhale I flipped open the phone to reveal one missed text message.
You can do this, Elle, you can do this... just open it. It's probably a spam forward or something, it's not from her... just do it.
I held my breath without realizing it and opened the message. O, it was from her alright. I was puking successfully now. My body heaved and stuttered. I gasped for air in between the heaves and kind of enjoyed hearing the splashing of water around my face. My eyes were pushed closed and I could feel the tears crawling down my face like hot lava. My knuckles were turning white as a grasp for dear life around the toilet seat that I had propped open over my head. Every time I heard my phone vibrate at my knees another heave would come, then another, then another. Just when I thought I was finished I heard the rumble from my phone and my stomach would lunge.
I woke up the next day on the floor of the bathroom clutching my turned off phone. My lips were dry and cracked. What time did I even enter the bathroom? What day is it? Did I sleep through something important?
I jumped to my feet and promptly fell back down as my knees went weak. I heard the loud crack of my skull against the toilet... or at least I thought I did.
"Elle... Wake up... Elle... Fuck..." The mumble of a voice crept in my dark, dark place. I liked it there: it was nice and cool. In the dark place I had found solace and it didn't even bother me about... what was her name again? "Elle!" No... that wasn't it, that's my name. A cold rush of air forced its way around my face. No, that wasn't air... it was water.
I sputtered and coughed, my eyes began to blink and I focused on the person hovering over me. I closed my eyes again.
"Open your fucking eyes!" The voice was angry. Very angry.
I opened just one eye. "Please tell me this is a dream." I croaked out.
"No, it's not. Are you okay?" She asked... she asked if I was okay.
"Umm... do I look okay?" Bad question... bad, bad, terrible, no good, question.
"You look like shit and you're bleeding. What the fuck happened?" She sat back against the tub as I did earlier... yesterday? Earlier today? I had no sense of time.
"What time is it?" I managed to ask her. It seemed so surreal. Why is she here? Did I dream all that other stuff? Is this reality and that other stuff some strange dream... or is this the dream and all that other stuff is reality?
She promptly looked at her watch and answered without looking up, "It's midnight."
"What day is it?" I reached up and felt the blood on the back of my head. Fuck, that hurt.
"It's Tuesday." Her expression growing more and more concerned.
"Oh..." It had only been about twenty hours since she had left... I guess I wasn't dead and I didn't bleed out like I had hoped.
"Look, I'm sorry for what I did." Was all she had to say.
Did? Did seemed like such a small adjective for what she did.
"Gabby... no... stop... don't." Suddenly I needed to heave again, I fought the urge this time. She must have noticed me wince because she reached out and pushed hair out of my face and gently touched the side of my face. Inhale, Elle, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
"I'm sorry, because I freaked out because... I feel the same way." Gabby slowly scooted closer to me. My eyes widened and I just stared at her. "I just didn't know... you know... that... uhh..."
"I like girls." I spat out almost disgusted with the words. If I had a dime for every time I had to begrudgingly say that phrase I would be a dime-ionaire by now. You'd think that the short hair and mens cologne I wear would give the hint. But no, it never quite did it... I would always have to say that fucking phrase.
"Yeah." Gabby said meekly as she pulled her tennis shoe covered feet closer to her body.
I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands and began to sat up; instantly I felt the throbbing behind my ears. We sat in silence for a few moments and then my stomach made a very obnoxious growling noise. We both giggled. I would have never guessed that at twenty-four years of age I would be sitting in the bathroom with a girl three years my junior, giggling at my stomach noises. I felt like I was in high school again feeling very guilty for being allowed into the women"s locker room. Okay, Elle, pull up those adult britches and get yourself out of this mess.
"So.. uhh... Gabby, my stomach here insists on some neutrally gathered food. Could you, in a neutral way, come get some food with me?" I tried not to sound pushy or too hopeful. Gabby's facial expression was absolutely the hardest to read. I had known Gabby for the better of a year, she had never dated anyone that I known of. She had also attended every social function I had been to in that year. I was new to the town and didn't know too many people. We had talked some outside of the social gatherings. Only once did we hang out, just the two of us, in that last year. I felt that we had connected. She flirted with me; of course I flirted back. I loved her, whole heartedly, since the third time we were in the same room. I had no idea how she managed to not notice how obviously gay I am. I waited for her response and held my breath. Gabby leaned over and kissed my cheek. Instantly my face felt warm and my ears were most definitely on fire. Her body curled into mine and she wrapped her arms around the small of my back. I could smell her scent: lavender and honey. My body ached for so many reasons but I didn't budge. I let her hold me and I held her back.
"I've been waiting for you to tell me you liked me for so long... I had started to believe you were leading me on and that's why I reacted the way I did."
As she spoke I could see Gabby, twenty hours ago, crying as I confessed my deep like for her. I knew better than to say I love her. I told her all the little things I had done for her in the last year was so she would know without me saying it out right. As Gabby left that previous day she called me a Dyke. Yes, that word. That dirty word that most everyone grits their teeth at... straight and gay alike. Her wording was something like, "I knew you were a dyke" or "Just like a dyke" It was something not so cruel but a jab none-the-less.... promptly before she slammed the door in my face and backed out of my driveway.
"Why did you say the D word?" I asked, now that anger was replacing my broken spirit. My body tensed and she pulled back so she could look me in the eye.
"The what?" She seemed puzzled.
"You said you knew I was a dyke and slammed the door." I tried to hide the hurt in my voice.
"I said, 'It's about time you told me you were a dyke.'" Gabby pursed her lips together, looking slightly peeved. I loved that look. It made me want to kiss her and she was so close to my lips. Instinctively my face tilted towards hers. "That's all I said," she managed to whisper right as our lips touched. Electricity pulsed through me and I could taste the urgency in her lips. I cupped my hands around her face and pulled her closer to me. I suddenly remembered I must taste like rotten eggs, but she didn't pull back or seem hesitant at all. I prayed my breath wasn't horrible as she began to pull me closer. My stomach let out a very loud grumble as my muscles began to relax into hers. She giggled, our lips still intertwined. Gabby pulled back just enough to comfortably look me in the eye and wiped a tear from my face. "Let's go feed the grumbly lady."
I smiled at her and hoped... just hoped.
(I like to write short stories... and felt like writing one... no one is true and this is all fake... so yeah... hope you enjoyed... if not... ignore this. :))