Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I keep starting a blog about what Winter Solstice is and how to practice it and how to welcome in the shortest day of the year. Today is Winter Solstice and I'm sad to say I didn't even realize it until I started poking around the websites to see how to word things. I'm rather embarrassed by it but not at all surprised.
I'm at my wits end. I very seriously have to do something progressive with my life in the next few months or I very well might as well die. Most days I feel like I'm on a treadmill trying my best to catch up with those who aren't on an automated merry-go-round. I'm still not 100% on what I want to do with my life currently (or in the future) but I do know that my present is nothing that I want it to be. Well, "nothing" being a loose term here. I am very happy with certain things in my life right now.... but when I say "nothing" I'm mainly referring to my professional not my personal life.
I was at a bar the other night with some friends when a rather intoxicated woman came up to me. I say woman because I really hate to refer to her as a cross dresser and all those negative stigmas associated with that term be the welcome tone to her. Let's just say she is a very well dressed man in a dress. She frequents the only bar I go to in town. I've spoken to her in passing a dozen times easily, but never had a conversation. Well, Sunday night was the night for that. She took a seat next to me and after brief small talk she goes, "You seem mighty intelligent but yet so sad. What's bothering you, sweetie?" and I just gushed to her about all of my professional woes.
I firmly believe in everything happening for a reason. (Just to make sure that's been stated) I didn't even want to go out that night because I'm so broke. My roommate (whom I had accompanied) purchased my drinks and was the only reason I agreed to go.
Well, this complete stranger, who had an excellent make up job, basically gave me the best pep talk I've ever had. She made me feel confident that I can (and will) do something with my life. That I have what it takes and I am WASTING my time at my current job. That my brain could be used else where. Ever since all I've been thinking about is furthering my education and doing something worth while. I hit a rut and I'm now crawling out, eyes all crazy and ready to consume the world.
If I can make it through the holidays I am going to enroll in school if it takes me going to the bank and begging for money. I am going to attempt to get certified as an EMS, so I can work my way to paramedic... and who knows... maybe I'll save your life.
Now what does all this do with Winter Solstice, the wiccan celebration of light and rebirth of the sun?
Well, my translation of the Winter Solstice celebration is without slumber, there is no awakening... without dark there is no light... without death there is no aspiration of living.
With this Winter Solstice I will celebrate by letting my old self die in the darkness of this very dark day and let my new future shine in the new sun that is to come in the following months.