I want to talk about the, "I'ma ignore you until you go away" in the dating scene. I don't like it. I don't like it when it happens to me and I don't like the feeling I have when I do it to someone else. I've had it happen to me a couple times... the no response after a couple days of trying to get up with someone. The unanswered phone calls back in middle school when I just wanted them to talk to me. The anguish, the questions... the "What did I do so wrong that would permit such silence?" I'm here to break down that barrier and feed it to you on the real.
When someone ignores you to make you go away, or one-word-answers you into a stupor it may be for a wide range of things. Some may actually be you; while others may simply not be you at all. Always consider the possibility that that other person is a chicken-shit, asshole.
Always ask yourself, "How long have I known this person?"
If you answer the question: Just one date/That night at a bar/One night stand/At that party that one night/We only know each other kind of through some people.
Get over it. Honestly. Get. Over. It. Who cares? They don't respond to you after two days?-- Move on. No harm, no fowl. It fucking sucks to give someone the, "You're a great person, just not for me." conversation... because then you have to go through the whole "But, why?" from them and you really don't have anything legit to say... it's all kind of fluffy bullshit. If the vibes aren't there, something was said that rubbed them the wrong way, something small but significant like that... (or they are actively talking to three others and it just wasn't your time to shine) it's cool. Don't let it hurt your feelings. People are people and they're allowed to feel that way without anything really being wrong with you. Especially if you barely know this person. Seriously-- it's okay. Sometimes things are just better left unsaid.
Okay, then ask yourself: "What happened last time we were together?"
Now... really evaluate this one. Take time on it. I'm a little obsessive so I replay conversations quite often in my head. I track body movements and how the words were expressed. Did you say something that they openly disagreed with? Maybe it was something small (to you) but it weighed pretty heavy on their side. Maybe it's something that really pissed them off and you DID do something wrong... but you've already sent that txt going, "Uhh, did I do something wrong?" and got no response... what to do now? Nothing. Don't do a thing. It's whatever. If that person really wants you in their life, they will respond when they are ready. If you keep pestering them every day or every hour... they probably won't ever respond to you and will make every attempts at avoiding you whenever possible. I do, however, think that maybe checking in after it's been a couple weeks is legit. If you still get no response, it's been a few weeks-- that's not insane. Just send a solitary txt along the lines of, "Hey, hows it going?" If there is still no response, it's whatever. You tried, they know you tried-- leave it at that.
Check their facebook/twitter/blog/whatever
No, seriously-- do it. E-Stalk them a bit. Did they delete/block you? Is there someone else liking their pictures or status messages? Is there someone else posting cutesy things or ANYTHING on their page that may seem like you've been replaced? If so, there ya go. It isn't you-- it's someone else. They "won". It's cool. If you're in the dating scene, never assume that you are the only person this other person is macking on. Fo'real... don't be an idiot. Did you read my other blog entry about this? Okay, so now you know. They're just not talking to you because you aren't in their thought process. Again, not your fault. Whatever it is about you just didn't fit their life right now. It's alright. I mean, yeah, shit hurts... but what can you do about it? Call them and leave them an angry voicemail? Txt them about how upset you are and how lied to you feel? What will that solve? NOTHING. It will just make you look batshit crazy and when that other person fucks up... they won't be coming to you for some "I'm so sorry I blew you off" lovings.
Is it around the holidays or anniversary of some kind?
Maybe that person just needs a minute alone. There are a couple weeks out of the year that I refuse to communicate with someone that isn't in my close circle of people. I'm either too busy or too emotionally unavailable and I don't see the point. I can't bring myself to communicate with someone that may not understand or someone I will have to explain my situation to. I don't want to. I refuse to. It just makes me annoyed at the prospect of seeing the sad eyes and the shallow "I'm sorry" about shit they have nothing to do with. I just need that time by myself. Some days I shut my phone off and ignore everyone. Some days I feel so flooded with bullshit and my own shit that I hide my phone from myself in my room and take a walk... or just leave... or just sit in my room with my music too loud and paint. It has nothing to do with whoever I'm not responding to at the time, and everything to do with me. Sometimes I just cut people from my life. Snip, Snip. Just like that. Nothing personal-- I just felt like I needed to downsize socially. Sometimes I accept those people back in at a later date-- sometimes I do not. I know I'm not the only person to do this, so I don't take it personally when I can tell that's what is happening to me. I always think, "Well, maybe at a different time in life," and call it a day.
Maybe they are just an asshole.
Some people are just assholes. They blow people off because it makes them happy inside. They like the chase and the attention. They like the panting, the tease... the "you could have this but I'ma only call you when I want some booty" kind of shit. It works for them and you enable it by allowing it to happen to you. One can only be toyed with but for so long. Don't be a dog, waiting for a treat. Just don't do it. You are better than that. That song Cooler Than Me always pops into my head when I find myself in this scenario. I give that song a couple days to surface in my head before I just back off and then they are the ones I'm blowing off. Honestly-- fuck'em. Well, not in the literal sense.... but you got me, right? No one is worth a game. As an adult-- that shit is so passe and ridiculous. I'm twenty fucking four years old. If I feel like I'm having high school angst over your ass-- don't be surprised if I don't give a shit if you blow me off or feed me some lines. Chances are I'm on to it and either
a) am being a fool for a moment
b) am using you back for something I want
As you can tell I am a little angry about that subject...
But yeah. I hope that helps some. For the most part I try my best not to ignore anyone without reason or at least tell them why I'm blowing them off. It's a respect thing. Chances are if I am blowing you off now it's for one of these reasons... but the last one. I try my best not to be a blatant asshole.
Try, I said try.