Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Where now?

My relationship has ended. What could've been a quiet exit ended up being a very dramatic one. All tied up with a bow and the police being called.

Yes, seriously.
I've had the cops called on me.
For the first time in my life I had to tell the police I would leave peacefully.

I feel very confused about the entire situation. I will choose to forget it ever happened. I will begin the repression process and delete everything that ever reminded me of her from my life. That's how I heal when something happens so preposterous I can seem to compute it in my brain. It just won't fit. Like how a square peg won't fit into a circle hole. Same thing. Uh-huh.

So I packed up all my stuff with police supervision and turned my key... 




In my attempts to get everything out of the house, I had kept my hatch open for too long and it had killed my battery.

"Do you have jumper cables, ma'am?" The uniformed officer asked.
"Yes, sir." I nod, tears welling in my eyes.
"Then pop your trunk."

He jumps my car and I'm off. The two police officers that showed up to the scene seemed rather confused of why they needed to be there to begin with.... but since my ex is now in the hospital for attempted suicide and I wasn't the one to bring her to the hospital... word on the street is that I manipulated her into killing herself. (Just for clarification: my ex didn't succeed in killing herself and was in no real fear of losing her life.)

First off: I've had a close friend of mine commit suicide. I have a quote tattooed on me from a poem she wrote before said incident. Why the FUCK would I want someone else in my life to do such a thing?

Second off: There isn't a second, because the first off covers everything.

I'm beyond hurt at this point. I can't even be angry. I keep trying to make this individual's problems my own and I just.... can't. I cannot bring myself to feel guilt for someone that did something to themselves. Although I can understand why her friends are firmly against me and are taking my ex's words against mine. They're friends. That's what friends do. I get it. I just hope she realizes that people do love her and I hope she works out the mental issues she had going on that have nothing to do with me but she so sweetly blamed me for rather than just tell the truth.

Things I lost in this relationship:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer (The entire DVD set.... my biggest loss)
-Some dishes
-Some home decor stuff
-Any hope/aspirations for ever getting into a relationship or even attempt at living with someone in a romantic way

Now... now I have to ask myself... where now?

Greensboro still?
My parents house?

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