Tuesday, March 25, 2014

An Open Letter to my Brother-in-Law and his Mistress

How do I begin a letter to someone that has caused my family such distress in these last few weeks and my dear sister for half of my lifetime? What do I say to begin a blog that I have been forming in my head for days? I've got so much material I'm almost buried in the filth you have so easily tossed my way.

I guess I could address why an open letter. Why I would choose such a public domain for all to see and revisit often? Why would I blog about something so personal and not pertaining to me? I've often said in my blog that my one major rule is to only blog about myself and my problems. This isn't Gossip Girl and I'm not out to whine like a teenager about adult subjects.

Truth is, this is a situation that pertains to me; my mother; my grandmother... my family. You see, when you enter into a family as close as ours, you marry all of us. You become our brother, our son, our grandson and nephew. I was just thirteen when my sister brought you home for the first time to meet us. When you got my sister pregnant that pretty much concreted you in to our family. No matter how that pregnancy happened or how young you both were, that did it. After thirteen years of being in our family how do you expect us to act? My sister has done an amazing job keeping your actions private. Believe what you want but we all had formed our own opinions of you without her validating your worth amongst us.  My mother sobbed because she felt not only robbed of a son but violated through her daughter. I cannot overlook that.

I'm aware that you can list freely how you feel my sister has wronged you, or sold you short. I'm sure you are capable of listing various reasons of why you felt what you were doing was completely justified. Through this entire process (and this is just the very beginning) you have shown us how arrogant and entitled you are. You haven't seen any wrong in your actions. You are so blinded by your own lies I have come to the conclusion that truth is but a stranger to you. Your truth is the holy gospel. Your truth is the beginning and the end. I use biblical references only because you are an atheist and I'm hoping it gives you some reference to where your truth lies. (No pun intended... okay, maybe a little.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how you spin this, your truth has already been tainted and therefore hold no ground with me. I can speak for my entire family in this: I assure you no one was too surprised by your cheating ways. Not because we were told or your name was whispered under our breaths, but because of your actions. I can only assume you were trying to tell us without using your words. I prefer words. Words can only have power when there is truth behind them though, and well, we know how you are about the truth.

This letter isn't about slander or that cyber bullying stuff you so honestly think I'm capable of. (No threats or angry emails from me, thanks for letting me know my limitations before legal action can take place.) This letter is about feelings. Feelings of disappointment and discontent. You disappointed our family at almost every turn. It's a relief to know that my sister won't have to put up with your disgraceful and disrespectful antics any longer. I'm happy that you got busy with one bar bang too many. I'm grateful that this is soon going to be a funny story we tell over drinks to my sister's future boyfriend. No matter how in the future, I know my sister will find love again. Don't you worry about that. Thank you for giving her a glowing example of what not to look for and red flags that may point out that he isn't the one for her. I'm getting ahead of myself now. O, right... feelings. From what you've stated about my family and I, one can only assume you believe us to be these hillbilly rednecks with fifth grade educations. Your internet diploma must have really boosted your ego. Sadly, such pieces of paper didn't boost your integrity as a person.

Your actions affect us furthermore through who you chose to procreate with in the Midwest. Luckily for you, the allegations of that other child was with a much more passive individual. This woman, whom I shall refer to as your mistress in this letter, has a bit of spunk to her. She's not that big on networking like I am so I'm sure she had much more to read about me than I of her. I can only speak of the time I communicated with her directly, but what I read of her I was not impressed. I'm not here to speculate on how you found each other or even why you chose to keep her pregnancy a secret when it could have been an opportunity for you to come clean to all parties involved. All of those things are irrelevant at this point, and as you said, don't pertain to me. In the forefront of this I felt this woman was also a victim to your truths and felt pity for her. As a new mother myself, I couldn't imagine going through all it means to be a mother on my own. I felt a kindred bond with her through motherhood and having an infant. So you see, disappointment crept in when she showed up on my newsfeed on facebook (a public place, filled with people that you have referred to mercilessly as people that don't matter to you.) tagging you in various things and commenting as a current sweetheart. She became a criminal in this as she forced her way into my life as proud mother to your illegitimate child. Her entitlement overshadowed the gravity of releasing such information into the wild. In a way, she helped you out by not making you the "bad guy" and blabbing it all over the internet. She was your scapegoat. You had a relationship with this woman and saw no consequence, nor did she. Now as I was saying... at first, this woman meant nothing to me. This woman had done nothing to me directly and if she had been lied to she was a victim much like my sister.

Then the assault on my sister orchestrated so artfully by the both of you to try and drag my sister into an internet fight to address this issue was disrupted by me. I stepped in and spoke up because I was disgusted by the display you both proudly plastered all over to all of your mutual and oblivious friends to gawk at. I'm here to tell you that you can't have both.

As a millennial, I can easily speak from experience of the internet sticking an ugly finger into my real life. You can't put something on the internet and expect opinions to be kept to themselves or even to remove said information and think everyone will pretend it never happened. The internet has created this faceless place to sling hurtful words and "notifications" at each other with an assumption of minor if not any repercussions. Your mistress was quick to do such attacking and you enabled her by adding her to your facebook and anchoring her into our lives. You see how this became my problem? How she was brought into my life even though I had no desire to get this deep into "your" business? You should think of the internet as inviting a bunch of people to a party to tell them a bit of information you wish them to be apart of. You have now allowed the members of this party into your business. If there is anyone that you should be mad at about telling your business to those that aren't in your deemed circle of "need to know parties", it would be your mistress. I am simply doing my job as a sister and aunt by sticking up for a family that is my family and my business.

So you see, my problem with you is my problem with you. My problem with you stems from your actions. You disappointed me because I thought we were on the mend from our already volatile friendship. I don't expect you to view this as what it really is (a simple explanation) so I expect some more threats from you and that's fine. There are various ways to contact me and all of them will be well documented... although I don't have anything else productive to discuss with you. I've said all I wanted to say.

With Future Indifference,
Your new ex-sister

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