Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Bury it in the backyard

Anger takes so much out of me.

Its exhausting to be this angry all day. Sleep is but a whisper when I need so much if it. Coffee just stirs the acids in my stomach and gives me cramps. My lack of sleep just makes me more angry.

Vague anger has swallowed up anything I post on Facebook. Surely, my friends think Hubby and I are on the extreme outs. (Which isn't true, my anger has nothing to do with him.)

My body is seizing up and I constantly feel very dehydrated. This anger is wearing me like a wet suit. Clinging to every crevice and nothing can escape. I'm being swallowed whole in my own dismal outlook. Anger has become me and I have become anger. I get the shakes and find it hard to be happy about anything. This is real.

My reason for anger isn't happening to me-- directly. By proxy I am exposed to the source of my main discomfort. Exposed like radiation poisoning or mustard gas. This toxic air has climbed into my brain and is slowly melting me down to be reformed. I hate this person I am because of all this anger but I can't avoid it so I embraced it and now I'm suffering the dire consequences. 

I've been told that if "they" know you're angry than "they" won. What if "they" got to feel my anger and lose too?

Oooo, if only.

I need to find an outlet soon. I need to let this anger drain from me so I can bury it deep in the back yard as I cackle like the crazy bitch I am.

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