Monday, August 22, 2011

I dream the craziest things....

I blocked out her last name and picture just because... well... I did. Didn't know if she wanted to be outted via my blog. I will try my best to maybe translate the dream into what I think it might of meant...

Everything I've read about dreaming of being inside a church has something to do with needing guidance and looking for someone to help with such. Also, being inside a church represents the need to find someone to help transition into a happier place. (Kati, you can take that any way you like. heh) Furthermore, since a church is a moral place it is possibly to have the feeling of straying from an original path due to moral wrongs or deception that has taken place.

I couldn't seem to find "rude" in any dictionary and I decided I would focus on how I felt in the dream in response to the rudeness. Anger is what Kati represented in the dream, so I did look that up. It just said that by having anger in the dream it was an anger that has been repressed in the waking hours. Every time Kati was rude to me in the dream I could feel the swell of shame and sadness in my heart. Shame signifies guilt during the waking hours, as well as having minimal integrity and how it is actively damaging the way people see me. Being sad in the dream expresses the fact that if I am ever again to feel true bliss, I am to discontinue all negative thoughts. (All very on point)

What I didn't tell Kati was that I viewed her as an ex-lover [in the dream]... but I never felt in the dream that we had actually been in love or even had sex prior. (I know for a fact that we have not done either of those things in the waking hours... That, I would remember.) I also read what it means to dream of an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend and came up with nothing that really fit... So I looked up Crush (as in, "to have a crush") and apparently, I am either repressing my crush that I have on Kati or she is just embodying someone I do have a crush on and I either can't accept it (or acknowledged it) and I need to let her know about it... or the crush she may be forcing me to acknowledge. The fact that Kati snubs me in the dream resembles me dealing with that in my waking hours, I'm mentally preparing myself to get let down... again... by someone I have a crush on. (That, my friends, is eerily on point) It also touches on my constant insecurities of a crush not liking me back and the reality of how it will make me feel once the fear is confirmed.

The only thing I could find about a mattress is that it represents a stage of life. Bed comes up with a big more in-depth stirring of ideas. To dream of my own bed is security and the need to settle down. Also, a bed represents my need for domestic bliss. (Also, on point) The fact that it's a single mattress and in the dream they were separate leads me to interpret that as I am keeping a balance of who I allow in my bed, but the fact that we're still in the same room, a rather large bedroom if you want to think about it, touches on my sexual desires. Since we just had a small mattress on the floor the term Pallet symbolizes an estranged relationship and parting between lovers. Kati and I aren't close at all... so maybe that's the estranged relationship?

The boxes of artwork represents the collections of aspirations, ideas and past reflections that I'm trying to contain onto canvas and keep organized. It's something I'm willing to explore but only at my own pace. The fact that it was the only thing else in the room as to hold some semblance to keep true to myself and my self-expression while I pursue another.

I'm glad Kati has been such a good sport about this and I hope I truly didn't weird her out too much.... especially since we aren't all that close to begin with.


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